fresh

weeks have passed by in such a blur that i can hardly believe october is already half-way through. i love it. i love everything that has to do with october, really. leaves, pumpkins, hayrides, festivals, cider, corn mazes, costumes, sweaters that haven't seen the front of my closet since last march.

right now i'm just sitting at my desk at the office receptionist job i have on campus, sipping some sierra mist and decorating my planner. i am so thankful for this shift, because i work for about an hour on things that need to be done around the office, and then i just get to sit, eat, work on homework, and occasionally answer the phone. it is a wonderful time to get organized, to sit and breathe, to prepare, to get work done, and to be a nerd and revel in all of the beautiful office supplies!

so lately, i suppose i've just been in the mode of getting things done. i count time in weekends. during the week it's a sun-up to sun-down schedule of papers, meetings, classes, work, mandatory f.r.i.e.n.d.s watching, and i love it. i feel successful. and that, that is such a precious feeling!

so i work hard through the week, but the weekends are what mark my time and progress. last weekend i visited nashville and the weekend before my dad came to visit. this weekend [well, in about an hour) i'm going home (i will SO welcome the rest and relief!] and next weekend the leaves should be at their peak. the semester is well underway.

nashville was everything i wanted and needed it to be. it was so, so good to see my friends and to have solid fellowship with them, you know, just the good stuff...the stuff that matters.
the leader of campus christian fellowship here at appalachian put it better than i could:
"I remember a prayer gathering in a rural Hungarian village, Christians praying in different languages, but united in a common bond. I remember visiting in the Tennessee home of a former seminary classmate and his wife, having a delicious meal of homemade soup and bread and then talking for several hours in front of a fire about the Lord. I remember semi-annual meetings at Denny’s with two colleagues to share about our mutual ministries and to encourage one another. And I remember just recently sitting with friends and listening to how the Lord is changing the direction of their lives into a new area of ministry."

...the good stuff. we have a lot of this to look forward to.

i got a BLT from fido, had tea and cookies with one of my favorite professors, had time to write a little, was introduced to hot diggity dogs, had ben and jerry's [twice!], and got to say goodbye to nashville the way i wish i could have last december.

however, i am welcoming this weekend with arms open wiiide, so much so that i'm saying "stick it to the man!" and skipping two classes tomorrow. i will open the front door tonight [i promise, this will happen!] and i will say "i'm hoooome!" while running up the stairs and i will jump into my bed and wiggle around in it with a stupid smile on my face.
ooooh my bed, my home, with all those homey smells and everything good like that. and then there is the north carolina state fair, where everything redneck and ghetto comes together so wonderfully! i canNOT wait.



'take me away in a big red balloon,
sear me with a passion that burns with such life,
while we free-float above the earth
away from here
a tiny speck along the cotton backdrop.
yes, we'll float away,
far away way into the clouds.
we'll fall lightheaded, oh,
to sleep and wake up
a thousand miles from where we started.'

rain. hard.

this week-

uuuggggghhhhh.... blaaaaaah


need to take a vacation.
egypt? pyramids!
cinque terre.
israel.
india.
at least down the highway a little.

tired of classes, but trucking along.
very little in the bank,
but getting along fine.

need to be broken.
and need to trust.

need a huge-normous,
understanding, expecting nothing in return,
envelop my all
every part of me comes alive
BIG
pick-me-up-and-spin-me-around
sit-me-down
let-me-heave-ugly-snot-cry
hug.

God? ↑?

no one else does it like you.

excerpt: a new way to look at "fight or flight"

"something has come alive inside of me.
a passion so unbridled,

that thinking rationally is quickly seeming irrational
for the purpose of redeeming love.

how great a story would that be?

i would just as soon drive hundreds of miles
to release the tension face to face
with a few short words
a hurricane bursting forth from me, all around me

i would just as soon do this
as i would take a bite to eat
for supper
to satisfy a hungry belly.

the hunger grows the more i imagine
how good that first bite would be,
if it's all i hoped it to be.

[i am sitting on the fence between
fighting for the most extraordinary love
and hanging on to an idea,
a hope worth letting go.
my feet dangle off the side.
if i had no guards, how would i really say it?
if i had no fear, and regret was no threat to me?]"

monday monday monday

i'm in the middle of wittgenstein's "tractatus" and, of course, i would rather be doing anything else right now. when it comes to cracking down and doing the homework, my first urge is to go write about things. anything.

will is here for a few days, while nancy is sick with what they are pretty sure is mono. poor minki! it's nice to have a male around here though. rob and elizabeth's parents were here for the weekend, which was so enjoyable for me. i got to stay at a beautiful log cabin a little south of boone, it was really make with logs! and it was so peaceful. i felt like a country queen sleeping on a queen-sized bed on the open loft. i would be so happy if i could live in the country.

tonight was nap night, followed by leftovers night [chili, chicken quesadillas, corn, carrots and ranch.... mmmm....], followed by 24 season three marathon night. good night!

and now, i'm feeling pretty bummy. today was just a bummy day, i'm gonna say it. my hair was ew, my outfit wasn't right, the weather was unwelcomed, and i was itching to get out of my classes the moment i sat down and put my binder on the desk. just a monday, i suppose. i'd rather be doing something extraordinary.

i haven't really been in the Word the past few days and i can feel it today. it's wearing on me, but i continue to thank my Father for His obvious provisions, and all the little and not-so-little extra things He does to bless the heart of a girl despite her lack of effort. He is Jehovah Jireh. i know this; the fact has my life in it. i just want to feel it more, you know? there is so much to be said of discipline.

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i'm getting more excited about visiting nashville for fall break, though some people i'd really like to see are not there anymore. but... i am so glad i will be able to see those friends that are still there, to have good conversation, to eat good food [ie pancake pantry], to not worry about my minimal paychecks, and to drink a hot tea (or a few) from fido, out of their huge house cups. you know, no one really goes there to get away, but to be apart of nashville. to enjoy themselves in the scenery. to enjoy others in the scenery.

selected favorites from copeland's "beneath medicine tree" have absolutely sparked something in me, and i have been listening to them pretty much non-stop. i'm not usually an advocate of the "beating it into the ground" theory of listening to music, but it's just that time of year that these songs - as well as emiliana torrini's "fisherman's woman" and jump, little children- seem like the only songs, the only music perfectly appropriate to listen to every day so long as the leaves are in a flame of orange, yellow, and red. so many memories, i forget i'm making new ones.

i'd like a good, hand-written letter. and a good tuesday.