midnight snack

my weakness is salt and vinegar chips. i also ate a lot of marshmallows and that's probably gonna suck in the morning, but tonight it is perfection.

gilmore girls is so good to my heart. boys don't get it, and they don't even have to. it's total brilliant girl language. it's been a while since i've sat down and watched gg, and the disc i chose to watch tonight (season 3 disc 2) began with a halloween-decorated stars hollow. i am a happy happy lady.

the next few nights of mine are filled up with various halloween-type activities in addition to my other evening activities. pumpkin stuff, music stuff, dancing costumey stuff, football stuff... do i have time to buy a pumpkin? do i have time to go to ram's rack and make a costume? these things i do not know. but either way i'm excited and also awaiting saturday night when i can do the following:

- buy lots and lots of chinese food (sesame chicken, rice, veggie lo-mein, eggloll)
- rent super mario brothers, high school musical 2, and casablanca
- commence couch cancering, hopefully with company of some sort though that is not necessary to commence happy couch cancering

it snowed

yesterday i said this little barely even articulated prayer... basically along the lines of "Lord, you know you can make it snow. I'd love that."

and it did. it snowed here all last night and all day today and this morning i listened to jazz and wished i had adequate winter wear for this weather, cause i don't, and that's stupid. some girls look totally cute all snowed on and bundled up.... the Lord did not grace me with that blessing and i basically turned into a watery-eyed rudolph nosed NOT cute disheveled frozen person.

i need to catch up on homework. write poem, make copies, write craft techs, think of proposal....

XANGA!

so, katie and i watched high school musical tonight after ear candy practice.

we ate chips and salsa and cookies and milk and i painted my nails "big apple" red (OPI)

and we started talking about mat kearney and how i met him with fairy wings on, and she asked to see pictures. where did i have these pictures stored? i thought to myself. XANGA. XANGA!!!

i have been a "blogger" from a long, long time. check out these gems that katie and i rediscovered tonight:

dating all the way back to September, 2003

my second xanga site, the end of high school - beginning of college phase
(notice how ALL of us had xanga sites and commented on each others sites all the time!)


and, drumroll please....
my very first blog, pure high school

hahaha, perrrrfect!!

lilyofletdowns? mysteryinmind? geeze, i like that girl.

wonky wednesday

oooh today. today today.

i was late to dance (again) and was prepping myself to walk in embarrassed and all... and as i approached the door i thought to myself, "what if by some amazing twist of fate class was canceled today? no, no, it won't be." and not a second later one of my classmates walked out of the building saying class was canceled. awesome! so i had a leisurely study time in crossroads while waiting on my spanish class.

that was done at noon, and here i am at two, still on campus and enjoying a free afternoon. i...

ate salad and soup and half a grilled cheese at the light side of welbourne.
decided that i should throw a tea party and everyone who comes should dress british and talk in british accents. my friends approve.
sat and chatted with a friend about stuff i've really been struggling with this semester.

i think i might take my compy and record some stuff in the music building. i'm dying to get away for a little while.

that's just it. i'm unsettled although it's a pretty day outside and i haven't much to do. my poetry has been all wonky and my mind has been all weirded out. i have a research proposal due tomorrow and i'm searching for something i actually would enjoy researching. hello, passion? where'd you go? i'm itching to get out of here for a while, to do something meaningful. there is a boy sitting next to me at the coffee shop and he is beating his pencil on the table in an annoyingly loud rhythm. to my surprise he does not, in fact, have headphones in.

after writing and deleting a giant portion of what i think i need, i say with assuredness,

i need to spend some time in God's presence.


listening to:
copeland - you are my sunshine
death cab for cutie - transatlanticism

drinking:
vanilla steamer with whip

wanting:
my glasses

hope, coffee, melody

i am home.

i am home i am home i am home!

right now i'm safely snug in the green down comforter of my bed (a bed i hope to inherit one day when i have a home of my own, as i've grown to appreciate how lovely it really is), tiger lily is with me looking outside the window, and i'm listening only to the sound of crows, crickets, and the first few leaves of the trees here pittering to the ground.

i'm looking at the anthropologie website, listening to playradioplay!, and am still in my pj's.

_____________________________________________________________________________

that was from thursday or friday... i can't exactly remember. all my days are mixed up and i love it.

right now i'm at the girls apartment in raleigh... three of my favorite ladies living together, and it's about five minutes away from my parents house. pretty perfect. i feel at home here as if it were my own home.

things i've gotten to see/do since being here:
- downtown raleigh
- robbie seay band in concert
- sponsor a child from the dominican ( via compassion international)
- eat cookout multiple times
- duke gardens
- midnight baseball field night sky viewings
- sleep. in. sleep. in. sleep. in.
- eat char-grill!!
- drink starbucks thrice! (cause you know there is none in boone)
- see many people i love, but not everyone i know i should see while here...


my mind has been set on the future so much the past few days. from fashion in pennsylvania to NPO's in san diego, from adventures in boston to adventures in the UK, who knows where i might find myself in the next few years? maybe i'll live no more than three hours away from where i am right now. Dr. Viktor Frankl says there is much power in hope, the difference between physical life and death even. interesting stuff!

i'm sad tomorrow is the day i must return to the rigamaroo of class-work-class-work-commitment, but that's just for now

one life to live, a million ways to live it

this morning i'm at the store, sipping a to-go cup of coffee courtesy of my way-too-nice-to-me roommate elizabeth.

it is a beautiful, sunny autumn day in boone and although i'm running on 5 hours of sleep (which, if you know me is a good 4 hours short of a sufficient amount), and although i'm really gross and un-showered from last night's gig, i'm one joyful and thankful sam crowder.

this past week has been a crazy one, what with classes and practices and preparations for the sylvia benson trunk show merritt and i planned at work and the klondike show with mike, who i've been happily singing bgv's for. this semester has been trying and tiring and exciting and whirlwind-ish, but i feel accomplished. i am so appreciative of the fullness of my life, the friends i've been meeting and laughing a lot with (sounds like an episode of mr. rodgers, i know, but i mean it with my whole heart!), and the really difficult stuff that makes the good things so much richer. it is grace that hems me in and gets me from day to day.

so, when kristen isn't at the store i always turn the XM radio to high standards on 73.... classic jazz and torch tunes. it makes the whole work experience so much more enjoyable and i like pretending i'm in an old-time movie while i'm folding the piles of expensive jeans and narcissistically straightening the hangers, and that at any moment some incredible handsome singing dancing man will come waltzing in a sweep me away :) frank, ella, etta, sarah, barbra... they play all the good ones on this channel!

i've been reading Jesus Calling by Young, in attempt to just be still and accept the things that the Lord tells us. (i've been in an extreme state of asking why and how instead of just saying, "okay") Young rewrites scriptures as first-person statements and promises from Him to us. some days i love it, and some days i trudge through knowing that i need it but not exactly feeling it. usually the latter have to do with being thankful at all times, at turning your complaining into praising, you know, stuff that isn't at all natural for human nature and isn't easy or fun. it almost seems like a defense mechanism. how is it possible to do that wholeheartedly, whole-mindedly? but today, i had to just bite the bullet, take the guards down and be thankful in the face of a "straw-that-broke-the-camels-back" situation that has reared it's ugly, unfair head.
and i will just say on the record, it's not fun, or easy, or even a little bit natural as a reaction, but it sure does change everything to say "thank you, Lord" for anything... breath, life, family, friends, 2 arms and 2 legs... whatever... when all you really want to say "________"(insert choice expletive here)or "it's unfair!" i will say definitively - that one is a slippery, gross and even more not fun nor easy slope to find yourself sliding down. and today i am finding a multitude of blessings, and i trust the Lord.

our time here is short. sometimes it is, as Hobbes said, nasty and brutish as well. but here at this pinnacle of my scholastic life and looking out into a great, exciting, scary unknown, it's nice to hear that there are a million different ways to live (thank you, invisible children e-mail update!)
a million beautiful, wonderful experiences to be had
not just one career forever, but many experiences that make our time and purpose here like an heirloom patchwork quilt
a million people to meet and help and love
a million different possibilities when He says "Go"
it's just too daunting to have this mindset of one thing we have to do the rest of our lives...

so i'm rambling and starting to annoy myself :) just some saturday thoughts. hey, fall break is in 4 days! yippeeee!