::: and five, six, seven, eight :::

my mind is everywhere right now, everywhere except where it needs to be!

i have designated this slot of time in my day to attempt the long-awaited revision of the paper i was supposed to turn in last week. life has been absolutely nuts the past few weeks! i mean, have we even been in school at all?? where the heck did march run off to?

from the anticipation of the week before spring break, to spring break, to a short school week, to easter break in new york city, and this weekend in raleigh and mt. olive...

i am finally back in boone to stay, hoping and praying to Jesus that i can keep juggling things around until April 30th, the last day of classes:

school in one hand, work in the other, life, health, friendships, books, song, all flying in the air somewhere above my head (or maybe fallen at my feet somewhere...)

so yes, i have alloted this time to paper revision, but all i can think about is how i forgot to post for Hebrew Literature on Friday, or how i'm excited to tears about Prince Caspian coming out in May, or how i still really want to move to the united kingdom and do something outrageous.

or how i want to be posting on blogspot...? hm :)

this weekend, a few moments before i left back for boone, i found a little treasure on my parents' bookshelf (weird that it's becomming my "parents" bookshelf, and no longer my own!) A tiny little book, too worn to have been made in recent decades- a collection of henry longfellow's poetry! and on one side of the inside cover i find my father's signature "Larry C.", on the other i find the words

"To: Mr. W.G. Crowder
From: Your Pollyanna girl, Brown Eyes"

at one time, one romantic little time in history, my grandmother Lula gave this tiny book to my grandfather, William. i only knew her for the first few years of my childhood, but her legacy has lived on in my family. every one of her children (seven children, to be exact) still proclaims her sainthood, though that might be one of few things they actually agree on. i like that her name was lula, and how her eyes were brown, and how she was romantic and chose longfellow. i like to think i have a little bit of her spirit in me, that pollyanna girl, and perhaps my children and grandchildren will remember me in such a way.



ho-hum. so much to do this week. midterm, interview, participant observation, rehearsals, meetings, hot chocolate.

lots and lots and lots of hot chocolate needed.

sierra mist and chanel bags

currently watching: the hills, finally!
currently waiting on: pizza, extra sauce
currently excited about: singing and praising this weekend at potter's wheel in mount olive
currently drinking: sierra mist in a can

miscellaneous thoughts:

i love dove beauty products. i actually think i've said that before, but their campaign for real beauty is such a wonderful and honest portrayal of women's beauty!

i know this is the most shallow thing ever, but let me just tell you, i live vicariously through the hills.

wow, how opposite can i be from one paragraph to the next?

well see, they live such glamorous lives, with exquisite fashion and romance and pretty shiny things. sometimes i wish i had that kind of life, and then other times i experience and know the joy from simplicity. i have known the joy of working so hard, of having nothing and experiencing grace to receive what i need.

but oh! the dancing and the lace lingerie and satin ball gowns, the string quartets and foreign cities and, even better... foreign boys!

i had a little taste of glamour (and NOT glamour, i.e.: broadway hotel and hostel) in new york city this past Easter weekend. i traveled with the gospel choir to sing for some Easter celebrations, but the rest of the time we could do whatever we pleased! some of my favorite memories are:

eating pizza and buying apples in soho
starbucks in the morning across the street
black tuxedo pencil skirt
my first black purse
exploring
laughing with katie henry
seeing the lights of downtown manhattan at night
and finding the most authentic jazz club "smalls" in greenwich village


i missed seeing my family this weekend. but i WILL get to sleep in my own, green sheeted, full-sized bed at home tomorrow night. yeeeah!

four more weeks of classes. i think i can, i think i can, i think i can.

i always know it's march

currently listening to: songs that don't hurt my head
currently wishing: that the way my outsides feel matched the way my insides feel
currently contemplating: discretion

i always know it's march when i get sick. it's like clockwork. when the first few warm days come around, then back to cold again... just give me a few weeks. usually it's the flu but i went ahead and got the flu shot this year, so let's hope it doesn't get any worse! it's quite tolerable right now actually, just annoying. faucet-nose.

i always feel very invasive to other's healthy lives when i'm sick, it's one of the most embarrassing things to me. i hate it for my roommates especially. so i'm trying to be a very tidy sick person, but i really just want my mom, haha! yes, yes, i am twenty. i have been on a steady diet of echinacea, emergen-c, hot tea, dayquil, advil pm, and ibuprofen. that doesn't sound like a healthy combo now that i've spelled it all out...

i always know it's march when i start to ache for warmer weather. i get the weird in-betweensy feelings, like i haven't quite hit home yet.

i know this sounds really silly, but today...
i was trying so hard to stay out of everyone's way, so they wouldn't realize that i was sick and if they did, i would just quietly move aside and try to keep to myself and not flaunt my not-cute sickiness. when i was walking from crossroads back to the information desk, tea in hand, i ran into my big bear of a friend at work, who told me i looked beautiful, to which i swiftly replied, "no i don't! i'm sick!". they said again that i looked beautiful and started coming towards me for a hug, of all things! they shouldn't see me, let alone hug me when i'm like this! i said, "you don't want to get near me, i'm sick and snotty and gross..." and they bear hugged me. how terrible for them, i thought! and they didn't stop. and i'm glad. i needed that hug so bad.

as i sat down at the desk, i realized, i do this all the time. God and i have this exchange regularly. i like to come to him with my sicknesses nicely labeled and organized and i tell him how i'm fighting off each one with this and that, and that he probably shouldn't come near me because i'm gross. "you're beautiful" He says, and i don't want Him to know how gross i am or for any of that grossness to get on Him.
and He bear hugs me, sometimes even when i don't let him at first.
hallelujah!

so, if i can make it to thursday in one piece without missing too many of my classes, i'll be okay. NYC friday morning, Lord, i pray my ickiness is gone by then. 10 hours on a bus sick? no, thanks.

i always know it's march when i have a ton on my mind.

[p.s. i miss you, heather! come home so i can do an excited dance with you, okay?!]

done

and done and done and DONE! happy weekending!

good morning and thoughts on bathrooms

currently listening to: Andrew Bird
currently consuming: Becky's coffee and Nature Valley
goal for today: finish paper.
currently contemplating: editorial internship with the IMB

miscellaneous thoughts:

nancy's bridesmaids shoes are beautiful! 99 days to go until the wedding, right nancy?

two days of work down, one day to go. this has been a very successful spring break!

i was kind of freaking out last week trying to find somewhere to work for this week - spring break. the Lord knew i was willing and needed to work this week to be able to have food money for the NYC trip. nothing at the union, nothing at belk, nothing even at Lydia's (i know, i was really desperate!), and i remember how humiliating it was to pray for God to provide for something as silly as money for expensive new york city food, but the need was there. i'm leaving friday morning and i need to eat.

on wednesday of last week, Ms. Betty from upstairs in Student Programs at the union asked if i wanted to work this wednesday, thursday, and friday - the other worker backed out at the last minute. it wasn't my first choice - 8 hours each day, minimum wage - still not enough to make the budget but so much better than no work at all!

i drove to raleigh on friday afternoon, after running a few errands, and stayed with my sister and her husband in their town home until tuesday. best guest bed ever award goes to them, but i think i turned into a popsicle from their arctic blast preferences! i got to see plenty of wonderful friends that i don't get to see enough, got to see the sun rise over the ocean at wilmington, got to eat oodles of Cookout Trays, AND...

my polish friend Marlena needed someone to clean her house and commissioned ME to do it for pay! the Lord is so good. i have made my food budget and have a little extra to buy a little something from Chinatown. pashmina? or something from H&M? or maybe lots of goodies from a bakery?? either way. i never seem to learn that He does care about stuff like that, and delights when his children just ask when they have a need.

so, yesh, i've been thoroughly enjoying my time in boone since tuesday night. i usually don't like staying here alone too long, cabin fever and what not, but work has made the alone time at the apartment so refreshing. i've been able to do some laundry, make pasta salad, take naps, and get ready for the rest of the semester that is coming at me like a freight train and is not going to slow down. i only have 3 more pages to go on my Hebrew Lit paper, which i have plans to finish today before i leave work, and i will commence SPRING CLEANING on the apartment this weekend. oooor maybe i'll just watch some movies, catch up on my couch potato-ing?



which leads me to tell you about the best feeling ever.
the feeling i get when i enter the best place, my favorite place to all other places-

my bathroom.

i've recently discovered how much i LOVE bathrooms. stay with me here. i have discussed this with my roommates and we all agree - having a private bathroom is probably one of the best luxuries of.... ever. now, public restrooms are nice, but not nearly as relaxing as knowing that no one else is going to come in and spoil it all.

private bathrooms are AMAZING!

after a long day at work or school, after i've taken the bus back to the apartment, i throw my stuff down and head straight for the little haven that is my bathroom. total privacy which allows for total, euphoric relief and relaxation. i can take my hair down and brush it out, and put on my pj's. or i can take a shower! now showers... showers. i take forever in the shower. why? not because i'm rinsing and repeating. but because, lets face it ... hot water = steam. steam = relaxation. it's like a private sauna where you can ALSO get so fresh and so clean clean! and it smells good! it's a sauna that smells good and you get clean!

it's so simple. bathrooms are great. fresh linens, perfumes and lotions, soap, your own private toilet to take as much time reading the latest issue of Real Simple as you need. it's just the best. i don't need a nice bedroom. just give me a private get-away bathroom! if i ever become stupidly rich, after buying my parents and sisters big beautiful houses, after giving enough money to find a cure for AIDS and setting up my children's and grandchildren's college funds, i'm buying THE BEST BATHROOM EVER!

mariah carey has the best one ever in her NYC loft. thanks Cribs.