hallelujah

i would like to take a quick moment away from studying "Gender in the Hebrew Bible", because

in my heart, i have the highest praise right now, for things that are so simple.



i slept in today, came into work for an hour. the snow has not stopped, and even now i am watching it just beyond the computer screen.

when i was standing in line for a sandwich after work, watching out the window people walking through the snowflakes, i just could not help but be overwhelmed in the silliest way.

i have a student ID and it pays for my meals. i do not put the money on my card, my parents do not put the money on my card... but i am covered, i am provided for, by graces plenty. i eat well every single day. fresh wheat bread, turkey, fresh fruit, water... it is all so accessible to me. i am so blessed, i thought, and the tears came to my eyes.

i am well rested. i sat and ate my turkey sandwich, soup, and an apple in solitude, thankful to my God that i am here right now. i could be a million different places, with much less than what i have now. i do not deserve this, i know, but i am so grateful and am compelled to use my opportunities to make the love i have known shown. i ate slowly, enjoying so many blessings, facing the window so i could watch the snow come down. i haven't seen this much of it, such plush flakes of it, in a long time. it disrupts what we planned for the day and quiets our hearts for a moment, reminding us that something this beautiful can only be Him.

the library is big and clean, with windows so tall. it feels scholarly. i love the giant, sleek aluminum Macintosh computers inside of it that i get to use. i love that this is my school, my experience, and this is how i imagined the quintessential appalachian day: sweaters, snow boots, difficult and fulfilling reading, people bustling about trying to get things done, paper coffee cups in the hands of many.

okay, back to gender. praises, praises.

tuesday, and praying for snow

although i'm on a [liberatingly, liberatingly, liberatingly... ] tight budget, i'm hoping that one of my next purchases can be a box or tin of two leaves and a bud. the website is fun because it will tell you about each flavor of tea, where it was grown, the taste, the steep time, and... it's just pretty to look at.

also, i read this short article about all of the benefits of tea on the Yahoo main page a few weeks ago, and thought it was so, so interesting! i'm trying less coffee, more tea.

with my meal plan (and with some conversations i've had with my dear friend andrew) i have made a green commitment to carry this $1 tote with me shopping instead of using plastic bags.
you know, "saving our world one bag at a time"!


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we've been going through beth moore's "a woman's heart: God's dwelling place" for the apartment Bible study. i have been so blessed thus far with the study and the fellowship of the girls that come. it's a small group, with a range of ages from 18-21. i can tell that each of us have grown in our personal time with our God since last semester, as well as with one another, and the community is refreshing. the content of this study is so rich, and has tied in perfectly with what we've been learning in my online Hebrew Literature course. The Old Testament is beautiful for so many reasons, and i'm seeing over and over how great, beautiful, consistent, and loving my God is.


look at this cute nugget of a baby boy!



ryan william rowe, my beautiful nephew. ooooh man.

african nectar tea and retreats

oh, goodness. i just need to take a moment and take a deep breath, and know that today is a day to rejoice in.

mornings like these will surely lead to graying hair and frazzled nerves. i am just exhausted, but i must keep pushing until 7:30 on Thursday night.

i woke up this morning with remnants of yesterday still pressing on me, reminding me i did not complete all i had hoped to. so this morning my eyes opened 15 minutes before the bus arrived; i rushed around frantically trying to get ready, and as i was walking towards the door having made the appropriate sacrifices to make the bus on time (least amount of make-up possible to still look presentable, hair everywhere)... there it goes. the purple route left me stranded.

so i had to take my car and park in the river street deck, which has an hourly rate for parking. and then, when i had 5 minutes to spare to get my african nectar tea before work, i realized i had left my student ID in my pants pocket... which are currently in the laundry room awaiting their wash. so now, two unexpected expenses have greeted me today and i definitely don't want to greet them back.

there are some days that i just don't want to function pleasantly. the cheery people are getting on my nerves. i want to hide away and do all of the work i need to do, broken up every so often by tiny retreats in solitude including bubble baths or mcalister's nacho baskets, you know what i mean? i want to replace facebook with beth moore's "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place" and ichat with "What is the What?" . i know i'm not the only one! not that i won't be pleasant, but maybe i just want to be a tiny bit anti-social today? maybe, i need to be a little bit anti-social. so i'm going to attempt just for now, so my hair doesn't turn gray.

wouldn't want that.

the bummiest friday in the history of fridays

"it's all happening, it's all happening."

it's 5:02. i'm still in my pajamas. un-showered.

my stuff is all over the apartment. which in OCD-code means that my guitar is on the couch, there are a few dishes in the sink, and 2 beds are un-made.

this week has been a little intense for me. it seemed like every single class of mine had some kind of huge something due this week, usually on the same day that something else was due. it seemed like every moment of every day was set aside for reading an article or writing a few pages of a paper or rehearsing, a schedule i didn't exactly adhere to perfectly, of course.

on tuesday i called my mother and found out that my dad went into the hospital because of chest pains. my dad is 65. that scares me. they put stints in his heart. i don't even know what that means exactly. i wanted to go home but my mom wanted me to stay. school and money and whatnot. it doesn't even seem real to me. it would have if i had seen him in the hospital bed.

so that's been on my mind but i haven't really talked about it. and i don't want to think about it. it's not even that big of a deal, bit it could have been, and that's just the thing.

a nice part of this week was getting a dozen yellow, pink, and orange tinted roses on february 13th from a guy that treats me like a complete lady and i don't even feel like i deserve it.

today i have eaten lays original potato chips. a half of a king size reeses crunch bar. and 2 cups of v8 splash fruit medley.

i have watched episodes of america's next top model on the mtv marathon. i have watched the travel channel's do's and don't of hawaa'i traveling. and now i'm watching almost famous, a movie i've never seen and never really heard a ton about, but it was in our giant dvd drawer so i thought i'd give it a try.

and i love it.

i've also purchased two songs that i've always needed in my music library but never had, peter gabriel's "in your eyes" and modern english's "i melt with you". also joshua radin's new ep, which i really enjoy!

i want summer-colored skin so badly right now. here's to the bummiest friday in the history of fridays!

nashville

i am sitting in the hyatt place hotel in brentwood, tennessee.

yesterday afternoon, as the sun was setting and making everything yellow-toned inside of the room, i thought to myself... i could do this. i was sitting with computer in lap, writing a response for my online Hebrew Literature class, taking notes on the loose-leaf paper to my right.

"i could do this" i thought. i would love to travel and write and walk with my God and have breakfast dates in cities where i have friends i miss and want to catch up with, over a cinnamon crunch bagel and fresh orange juice.

(i romanticize everything)

i miss being here. there is such a weird mix of feelings, memories that sting and have marked me, people i miss and i love. people i don't want to come across and things i don't want to remember. this is such a funny little town.

today we're going shopping at green hills and i'm excited to see what they have at anthropologie. it's like art i want to replicate in a less expensive way.

i have better thoughts. more later.

love to you this beautiful saturday.

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my stomach hurts.
and i have trust issues.
healthy choice country vegetable soup. good, and weird.
(i prefer mom's kind).
the Father is good and patient with me.
He is adventurous when every indifference in me screams that He's not.

other people matter more than i do. (thanks audrey.)

the worry tree

Lord,

I am definitely in need of another job. I will work so hard if you provide the finances. I want to be wise with my money but I'm just so stupid sometimes. I learned a lot at the conference about leading a simple life, and how freeing that is, and hey, thanks for that. Change my desires to match Yours. I really want that. Help me to be so content in simplicity. I ask for wisdom especially with the blessings I receive from You, cause I've been really dumb a lot.

Boone Drug? Mountain Grounds Coffee & Tea Co.? Belk? Or maybe something different entirely?

If this is all I'm seriously worrying about right now, I'm so good. I'm more than good. So Jesus, thank You. For realzies.
Love,
Sam