on a lighter note ♪

we've hung our christmas lights in the apartment. i LOVE it!

the December issue of Blueprint magazine has the most beautiful cocktail dresses. it makes me want to throw swanky holiday parties with eggnog and heure d'ivoires and nice music in the background. you know?

it snowed last Thursday. hallelujah! it was so beautiful, although it didn't stick around long. i pray there is much more to come.

the last home football game was today. i enjoyed it so much, and i loved the giant Yosef, and my toes froze. i am proud to be a mountaineer, with all of our rifle-shooting and black-and-gold-ness. we ate the best pizza afterwards (Capones, you have my heart), and hung the lights, and listened to sufjan's Christmas albums. not much will make me any happier, i assure you!



i'm in a reading and writing kick, this week. reading C.S. Lewis on a whim, and rhyme and verse are flowing out of me a lot more than usual. i put together a little poetry blog, with nice pictures and things that if nothing else, make me smile and think, "Lord, You are good". i am happy when things are quiet, and i find it in me to turn off the noise and pick up a book, or sit and make something beautiful out of simple words.

also, i can't stop listening to imogen heap's "just for now".

two days of school, 3 papers, and 3 hours of work until i'm home for Thanksgiving.

apple pie!

breathe in. it is well with me.

this is painful, trying to find a balance between divinity and daily. peace and desire.

"be content, samantha. life is so good as is. you are blessed beyond belief. you have a powerful purpose you don't even know yet. this is exciting."

i am. it is. thank You, my Lord.



but what i really want to say right now is,

i'm ready to be older. i feel old. i want to own my home and read the newspaper and have a salary and benefits. i want to drink wine while i'm reading a book by the fire. i want to get on a plane to visit my hometown for holidays. i want to write "thinking of you" letters on fancy stationary.

i would like to know what it feels like to have a young man actually treat me like he truly cares for me.
i could treat him like that. i can do it. i want to love and be loved. what an amazing adventure that would be.
and i'm ready to jump, i am.

i am tired of waiting by the phone. i do not expect him to act any way other than he has (though i hope he will). he has proven himself, not once, but three times that i am not worth it to him (though i am praying there is some yet-to-be-heard explination that will make me cry). this is hard, getting over it. and being twenty. and still hoping.


life is good, yes. and i need some patience.

pass the oreos, for real.

i am listening to the most ridiculous music.

and i like it! the playlist at beansTalk has consisted of such artists as chumbawumba and macy gray. oh yes. welcome back, 1998.

this morning was one of those that i woke up all of ten minutes before i had to catch the bus. let me try and explain the wonderful dynamic that is the appalcart purple route bus on a monday morning.

it comes at 8:34 every monday morning, four minutes before it is supposed to come. so, people start waiting at 8:30. like, twenty to thirty people, at this one stop. there are always more people than there are seats, so appalcart mondays become very, very competitive. no one wants to be the stander on the appalcart. we pity the standers.

but my favorite part about it is that no one talks! so it's this silent race to the door of the bus, and to the open seat, so you won't have to stand and be whipped around and lose your balance while everyone else is watching and thinking "man, i'm glad i got a seat this morning".

i knew that this morning, i would be a stander. a stander that had taken no longer than 8 minutes to get ready. oh dear, i am definitely not looking my hottest this morning. deoderant and lipstick- my saving graces.



top five things occupying my mind this week:

1. really entertaining the thought of moving to the United Kingdom. and knowing that it is just as realistic as it is hilarious! what the heck? i've spent a few hours on Re/Max Homes of the UK. I've researched job opportunites. [salt n' pepa has just graced the beansTalk playlist, by the way.] and as silly and possibly fleeting this crazy desire may very well be, i like telling myself that if i'm not in a committed relationship by the time i graduate, this is something i could really do. and love. and i would absolutely institute afternoon tea every day.

2. upcoming events involving turkey, friends, laughter, christmas lights, snow, hot cocoa, and a little silver dress just itching to be worn. i love thanksgiving. and Christmas. and the fact that I celebrate them each twice: once with my friend family, and again with my family family. and New Years? little silver dress approved.

3. school. i'm making it happen. i'm getting it done. and i like the ride so far. i'm bracing myself for the next few weeks, though. papers, presentations, portfolios, exams. i had my audition for the music school here, fuare and stormy weather. this was a moment of personal triumph, you know, the moviescript moment where i walked out the door and down the hallway with my head up high, and as soon as the elevator doors shut i jumped up and down and did a celbratory jig and praised the Lord. i walked away feeling like i accomplished something, and accomplished it well. music minor, i am on my way.

4. peter and wendy. two chapters left. j.m. barrie, if you only lived now and were incredibly single!

5. what to get involved in next semester. jobs, ministries, organizations, classes, newspaper. who knows? i am so blessed, to have so many opportunities. [backstreet boys now]

my love is all i have to give,
samantha

welcome home, november.

let me lay this scene.

i am sitting on the leather couch of my living room at home, and i have not had this feeling in a long while. i'll get back to the feeling later.

the gas fire is going for the first time this season, and rightly so. the air of winter has come and she sits still at the doors and windows of this home. i am well fed. i have just finished watching one of my favorite movies of all time, with some of my favorite company, and my cheeks are still a little damp from crying. i am all snuggled and warm in a hoodie, jeans, and bedroom slippers... that are boots. and i am going to try and hold on to this feeling as long as i can.

do you ever get to that point where you just need to cry? you need to hear a story so inspiring that, for just a moment, you can forget who you are, forget all of your past- good and not so good, forget the gas bills that you need to pay, and the challenges of the weeks and months ahead. some tale so deeply touching that your story, the story of you, seems to dim away and you are taken somewhere beyond here for just a moment in time, and you can cry - not because you are sad, because you feel your life is comparatively insignificant to this great story, not because you are so happy that everything is right in the end and you hope it could happen to you someday... if only...

you can cry at something so purely beautiful, and it has nothing to do with you. it is just, beautiful.

and you come away from it, and you see the things around you in the same light. the fire seems warmer. the air outside beckons more dangerously, and you feel that much more safe inside the walls of your home. the tea seems sweeter, the cats seem to be in a deeper slumber on the couches beside you, the clock ticks in the background and the rest of the silence is peaceful, not daunting. everything is musical. and you feel more beautiful.


this movie we watched in my literature class this week said it better than i can, perhaps it's better with context but i'll say it regardless-
make a masterpiece of your life.


so i blow a kiss to the past, i am content in the present, and i am smiling at the future. this is good!
and every good and beautiful thing, is just Him. (james 1:17)

now that's a beautiful story.