middle of the night

if these thoughts seem ridiculous, it's because it's the middle of the night.

my stomach hurts. i should swear off of cookout for a while.
i'm still doing good swearing off of bojangles.
and of course, mcdonald's.
and if i just keep picking them off, i'll never eat fast food again!
which is good, because today i read this article about 9 surprising diabetes risks, and eating fast food frequently is one of them. uh-oh. we are a fast food culture! no wonder 24 million americans suffer from diabetes. that and other reasons, of course, but our food habits and ignorances aren't helping. i just don't want to amputate my foot when i'm 60. i don't want my kids to see that.
it's just... i love you cheap tastiness of cookout... but you make my stomach hurt... and amputations...

here's the article, it's interesting.

if i had sooo much money, i'd eat at our daily bread whenever i wanted.
and i'd take my friends there and tell them to get whatever they wanted.
and i'd try to live a very green lifestyle because i believe in that movement, and i just like it. it makes sense, it's pretty, and it's responsible. and it's not hard to change.

it's thundering so loud and my window is open and i love it.
and i'm 22 and still kind of scared of it.
true life, i'm a storm weenie.

i am making this resume for engagement in my head lately
there's a lot of stuff on the list.
like that i want to feed my kids real food
and cook
and i want a garden with flowers and fruits and vegetables
and maybe a bee hive for honey
and i'd make such a fun wife
and a devoted one, etc etc
i'd sing you songs
i make my bed
i want to have a wedding my husband will like just as much as i do
etc etc etc
i just want someone to walk with God with me. oh-kay.
i could write you little verses and prayers and reminders and hide them on index cards folded in your pants pockets so when you go to work, you'd find it.
i make very good pb&j's
and i want to do all the things we want to do and not just say it but do it and chronicle it in pictures and writing
we could budget our money together
and buy groceries at whole foods or trader joe's or earth fare or somewhere annoying like that because our food budget would be big.

that is what my resume for engagement looks like, a little of it.

i'd like someone who'll think i'm pretty even when i'm flossing my teeth.
and will love me when i'm bloated or irritable or wrong.
i want him to feel like he's done better than he deserves, and i want to feel like i've done better than i deserve.

it's just really hard to be pretty when you're flossing so i'd really know it's love that way.


i had some ca-rayzee dreams last night.

i was accused of stealing from cabinets at my friend's rich fiancee's house and their family kicked me out, and there was lots of yelling, because i just looked in their cabinets because i was curious.

and then as i was walking away from the house the fiancee came up to me on his motorcycle and picked me up and drove me to my house because he knew i was innocent. it was a really memorable and beautiful gesture in the dream, he just... drove up really fast and kind of skidded to a stop in front of me and opened up his hand to help me up without saying anything.

and when i got there, to my house (which in my dream was our old house), i was laying in the first floor bathroom watching a kangaroo eating grubs off of our dock (that we don't have) and hoping my dad wouldn't see me. he was walking around with maggie on the 2nd floor... it was a deck-type balcony on the 2nd floor. weird.

and i was still invited to the rehearsal dinner of my friend and her fiancee. and it was at this really fancy grocery store and i was there with my mom and we didn't feel wanted there by anyone except said friend and fiancee, and there were all these crackers. and we didn't know if we could eat the crackers because they were part of the dinner or if they were just in the grocery store.

and then i was about to get married. i was all dressed and ready to go.
and i kept thinking, oh my gosh, i know i don't want to marry this guy but i don't want to call him and tell him and hurt his feelings.
so i just knew i was going to walk down the aisle and just... run away when i got up there. and then i was sad because i never want to be a runaway bride. i want to be a happy bride.

there was a lot more but those are the main parts i remember. i'm not even sick or taking medicine or anything. those are just pure, 100% healthy sam dreams. haha!

back in boone

i am so glad to be in boone right now.

i got a job! hello chick-fil-a!!
i can't wait to get consistent paychecks and to be able to budget money... because i'll actually have money to budget. hallelujah.

i am elated i get to go to the farmer's market on saturday. i've missed it and i have some 120 film rearing and ready to go.

the Lord loves to show His provision in situations that seem helpless. and i love it when He does because i can't doubt who did it.

blog, i officially introduce you to my roommate, whitney foreman:



she is adorable and i'm so glad it worked out for us to live together!

i need to paint my nails
i need to work out because i've been neglecting it
i NEED to see harry potter for obvious reasons
i need to get my hands on the twilight books. yes.

if your name is jessica jenkins i need to see you. that is all.

i think i'm a little bit, little bit

i love seeing the people i love so happy. it makes me so happy.

i love getting weepy and giddy and it being 100% unforced and uninhibited.

i love being around people that know me the best, laughing (really loud), crying (with ugly cry faces), praying (worship in spirit and truth), dancing (like total idiots), talking (we don't have to say much to know what we mean, so it's those words punctuated by glances where you know that i know and i know that you know). it makes me feel like the richest most beautiful woman alive.

i love having those moments where you feel like you could literally see what you see out of your own eyes in a movie.

sometimes it just hits me like a punch to the chest,

i am so blessed.

everything that is good is from the Lord!


heather nicole, you're getting married tomorrow to a wonderful man who loves you well. and i couldn't be happier for you!

1 2 3 4

is it more selfish to be single all the time or be in a relationship all the time?

i was listening to this christian talk radio and they were saying how, the longer you stay single, the more opportunities for selfishness you have, and the more selfish you inevitably become, the less eligible you become for a successful marriage.

more cheetos, please.

it's 2 am and i'm nowhere near being super sleepy.

i watched idle hands (semi-scary, regret that)
i watched tombstone (awesome, semi-scary again)
i ate cheetos
i tried on bridesmaids high-heels-of-death (very cute though, all in the name of beauty)
i kept them on and then played my guitar in front of my reflection in my bookcase door window thing
tried to write a song
tried to clean up and failed so i'm leaving it for tomorrow
made a master list of things to do before i go back to raleigh in a few days

i haven't slept in my bed my bed in SO long, i'm too excited to sleep in it! maybe i should take a tylenol pm. i want such good sleep and i haven't had that in a while.


i wish i had a wall made of whiteboard so i could write lists and lyrics all day and always be able to see them, but erase them in an instant. this idea was recently on teen cribs, circa MTV, but i thought of it before i saw it. ask austin, i told him like 3 weeks ago.

this is the update

i'm sitting at my parents new(er) home in midtown raleigh. it is such an unfortunate situation that has brought them here, but totally within the Lord's providence and i really like this little place. although taylor swift's new music video did not come on vh1 as i had hoped, abc family is now playing the pilot episode of gilmore girls and i am happy, sitting in my PJ's and letting my life kind of swirl down to a stop around me.

friday june 26 - wednesday july 1

nancy and i drove down to raleigh for one of heather's bridal showers. i stayed a few extra days to get my bearings straight around the new house. dad and i walked to the farmer's market at north hills, which was really nice. i got to spend time with friends i haven't seen in a while, and just spend time in raleigh i haven't been able to spend. although this whole "not really having a steady job" thing is scary and stressful, i am really thankful for this time i've had to do things i haven't been able to do in a few years, like come home and stay home.

wednesday july 1 - thursday july 2

dad drove me back up to boone. we went out for dinner, and i did laundry to pack for nashville. thursday, on the way to nashville with jon dailey and his wonderful mom, i got the official "sam, i want to live with you!" text from the adorable whitney forman! what an answer to prayer.

thursday july 2 - sunday july 5

nashville. block party. brianne and her crazy antics. ian and laura. dutch blitz! mas tacos. red door. finding five points. 4th of july grill out. fido.

sunday july 5 (later)- wednesday july 8

lake gaston at dan's lake house. i love lake gaston. P90X. twilight. night cruise. breakfast feast. tubing. michael jackson. tan lines. waking up and not putting on any make-up or regular clothes... just a swim suit.

and now i'm in raleigh until tomorrow night. and then i'm coming back to raleigh next week for heather's wedding.
sheesh.