me sueño

last night i had a dream that i thought i had read a huge chunk of the Bible. from my dream point of view i saw that i opened up in the Old Testament and then i realized that i was already in Matthew. and i couldn't decide if i had read everything in between or not. but i felt very triumphant. reading the Bible consistently has always been hard for me, such a daunting task, such a delicate balance between reverence of the past, taking history and culture and writing styles and languages into context, and applying those spiritual themes presented to a new time, culture, and language. applying it to me.

and then i dreamed (or dreamt, whichever you prefer) that some girl i know, i don't remember who, became really successful at what she was doing. and i wanted to tell her because she didn't realize it.

i wish i could remember!!

i love good dream nights.



i keep getting more and more ideas for songs. i wish i had an upright piano in my apartment! since my guitar is there, i always pick it up and start writing, but i'm definitely not as skilled on guitar as i am on the piano. neither are extremely comfortable for me to play in front of people, but i'm working on that.

because when i see a stage, and i see someone doing what they do well on that stage, it's like fireworks go off...
synapses go crazy.

i'm jealous
i'm overwhelmed, in a good way
i'm hungry
i want to share my songs with people.
i realize how much work it takes to get from where i am to there,
and get there well.
doing it justice, you know?

maybe i'm thinking i'm willing to put in the work, finally.

me duerme, voy a viaje, yo rezo

tonight i will brush my teeth and crawl in bed and turn off the lights.

i will wake up at 7, get ready for class, and learn the last little bit of spanish i can before the final exam on friday.

on friday after class, i will leave with nancy for an unexpected raleigh trip for heather's wedding shower.

this weekend i will see heather, jess, whit, cat, steph, mrs. kay, mrs. ray, and all the other women in my life that remind me what it is to be a good friend, a good woman, and remind me that i am loved and prayed for even a half a state away!

i will see my parents new house, and inevitably be weirded out, and i'll try not to imagine that the ghosts of the old people living there before us are haunting me in my sleep, and then i'll probably try to ride my bike to north hills, wishing i was back in boone.

when i get back to boone, i will hang out with windy drive people because they're always doing fun things.
i will work out because i want to.
i will keep writing songs.
i will love this last college summer with my whole heart and "suck all the marrow out of life!"


dear Jesus,
thanks for hard times. i know there is a time we must walk through it.
i'm really glad it's not without you.
please provide a job for me. you know how much i need it, and soon.
chick-fil-a looks nice.
and chetola.
hook a daughter up.
and i know you saw this roommate thing coming.
i know you'll provide that, too.
i love you and i trust you.
forever and ever amennnnn,
sam

come now, let us reason together

some encouraging verses that i've really needed to see.

Isaiah 1:17-19

Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed.
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow.

"Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.

If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;



Luke 10: 8-12

Whenever you enter a town and they receive you, eat what is set before you.
Heal the sick in it and say to them, 'The kingdom of God has come near to you.'
But whenever you enter a town and they do not receive you, go into its streets and say,
'Even the dust of your town that clings to our feet we wipe off against you. Nevertheless know this,
that the kingdom of God has come near.'
I tell you, it will be more bearable on that day for Sodom than for that town.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up;
time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.

true life: boone summer

photo by nancyrayphotography


facts:

i have good friends.
i want to make more.

i'm slowly going into debt.
i WILL be okay.

there is one week per month that everything i do should be excusable because i'm about to be, and will be, on my period.
i just heard the collective male ::shudder:: via the intrawebs.
but for real! i'm tired and unmotivated and puffy all over and generally cry at a lot of things and i can't STOP!

i need another job.
what i make now ≠ bills.
i trust i will get one!! because i'm ready to work so hard and get a consistent paycheck and be a semi-responsible and fully-well-meaning young adult!

"Therefore I tell you,do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"
Matthew 6:25-27

i'm almost late for leg 2 of spanish.
i love reading right now.
i can't wait to clean my room.

i think i like twitter better than facebook.

i want to be a good farmer one day, when i have a yard. hopefully my husband will be good at that sort of thing, so we can eat asparagus.

i want someone who will farm with me.

i also have zero interest in boys who
give incessant compliments.
sensitive boys.
sweet boys.
bleeeegh, it reeks of lies. nooo thank you.

i'm not saying compliments, sensitivity, or sweetness is bad. it's not.
but if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
guys are good at bullcrapping.
well i call your bluff too nice guys!!


all i want is a garden with vegetables in it and stuff.
maybe some flowers.
maybe a few fruit trees. plums. cherries. apples.

you'd think i'd be able to find one of those farm guys in boone.

a collection of memories so I won't forget all the good stuff about birthday weekend.

saturday

woke up in boone. went to the farmer's market. got a lemonade spritzer for way too much money but felt okay about it. bought the last muffin from faith hill farms so i only had to pay a dollar. i told him i always try to be loyal to him and none of the other baked-goods makers.

met jenks at horn in the west field. laid out and talked about a lot of things / there were lots of bugs. family, music, boone. dropped off stuff at the goodwill truck. packed and left for raleigh.

arrived in raleigh, and went straight to the girls' apt. showered and dressed while jess, whit, cat, mrs. ray, and john prepared a sweet birthday cook out. i'm beginning to appreciate very simple things like meals (including cut lettuce and tomatoes and onions) i don't have to prepare or pay for!

meanwhile, the drummond household was preparing a special outdoor viewing of my favorite move of all time, HOOK.
let me try to describe it:

the drummonds back yard is a golf course, so we arrive there and go to the back of the house and there is a giant white sheet hanging from the porch on the top floor to the grass at the bottom floor. tarps, blankets, cushions, chairs, and tables are set out on the grass facing the movie screen. the sun is setting and jess sets up the projector. As it gets darker, all kinds of goodies make their way from the kitchen to the yard including popcorn, a tray of chocolate bars, soda, and -the kicker- homemade funnel cakes!

a giant moon starts to come up and turns the stringy clouds all kinds of golds and navy blues. the drummond little brother, sam, and john start shooting of fireworks, laughing boyishly at the risk of disturbing the neighbors. i'm laying down on the pillows and blankets there on the grass with some of my closest girl friends and this movie starts running and it's absolutely perfect.

okay, so after that was over we cleaned up and went back to the girls apt, quickly falling asleep in the dandelion room.


sunday

i wake up at 10:30 to a text saying "you coming?" from one of my best guy friends, matt. the beach!! although i was supposed to be there at 10, i know matt is forgiving of my chronic tardiness and super-power ability to sleep in.

i jump up, quickly gather what beach things i could find, and zoom to matt's.

we get in his car and begin the 2 hour trip down 40 East towards the coast. that's one of the main reasons i love raleigh - it's perfectly central location for spontaneous day trips to beaches or mountains. i haven't been to the beach since last summer, so i'm sure i looked like a 6-year-old little girl with my head hanging out the window that i insisted should stay open as much as possible on the way.

we stopped at bojangles, reared up solid road-trip music, and cultivated solid road-trip conversation. it started to rain, so i prayed that i'd get to enjoy some sun on the beach.

we rolled up in wrightsville, parked, and walked out to a sunny shore.

books in tow and read shoreside:
animal, vegetable, miracle (kingsolver)
a grief observered (lewis)

after a few hours laying out we headed to downtown wilmington to eat supper. we found a bar with outdoor music, and enjoyed a very tasty meal as much as we possibly could while still having an oily-sandy film on our un-showered beach bods.

came home. i went to my parents house and took a shower. relaxed and enjoyed some of the last moments in the house i grew up in for 22 years exactly. next time i come home, that house won't be home any more. very strange.


monday

slept with phone turned off and slept a very long time, enjoying my bed. woke up and listened to my favorite birthday songs

altered images happy birthday
no doubt six feet under

steph and whit texted inviting me to go to the pool at the apt and enjoy a picnic!
wheat thins, cheese, strawberries, jones berry lemonade, and coke!
people magazine, instyle, and seventeen!
friends, birthday.

jess came by with the baby she nannies for, sweet sarah. okay, i cannot stand tiny babies in tiny swimsuits. it is TOO MUCH! she even floated in an inflatable frog with a palm tree shade. too much cute.

met my sister and her babies at goodberries in wake forest and was treated to strawberry custard and good conversation and birthday bangles!

went home, showered, packed, got ready for the NO DOUBT and PARAMORE concert.

y'all.

i wasn't even really reeeeally excited because i have a thing against super-huge arenas where i feel like i'm not even seeing the band play, because it feels more like i'm just listening to the album really loudly over big speakers with about a zillion other people in the sweaty smelly mass of humanity on the lawn.

but holy cow. this was a good concert.

paramore was tight and so entertaining. so much fun!

i've loved no doubt since middle school. my college no doubt hiatus (along with gwen's solo career) kind of lended to this whole... yeah, i like no doubt but, is it enough to see them in concert at sweaty alltel pavilion?

i didn't get excited until about 5 seconds before they got on stage.
and then i realized... gwen stefani is here!!! and all of my middle/high school favorite songs ... they're going to be performed right here right now!
lots of dancing. lots. and good friends and good music.

drove back to boone from 11:30 pm - 2:30 am.

22!!

but if you had regular hands you'd be like everyone else

watching: edward scissorhands
goals: to finish a song this week
looking forward to: turning 22 in one week!!


spanish class is going really well. my teacher is so wonderful, i just want to be her friend and talk about argentina and spain and try to talk in spanish. she's really frumpy looking but has great things to say about any subject. she makes everyone feel very comfortable in the classroom. so, 8-12 M-F isn't that bad. i'm actually pretty happy.

this weekend i slept in, and climbed waterfalls and then jumped off them, and watched a scary movie, and got to spend time with really nice people.

i feel like i need to get out of boone, though. cabin fever or something like that.

anyone want to road trip to nashville one weekend this month?

brainstorm: birthday weekend of fun