snow in april, love and bubble baths

i think about love a lot
love between people my age,
love between a married man and woman
married for fifty years.
i think about how brave you must be to love
and how you have to step up and fight for love.
you know, it is reading poetry by a stream,
intertwined under a tree,
it is also talking even when you don't feel like it,
it is welcoming vulnerability even if you've been
taught your whole life that
vulnerability is weakness, and it is ugly.

i prayed today while i was in the bathtub thawing out
(yes, it is snowing, and it is april, and i am a little popsicle)
and i told God, i know i don't know how to love very well,
i love just enough.
and then i saw how so many parts of my life are just enough.
and He told me His grace fills in the gaps mightily,
and He showed me pictures of relationships where only His love could
explain the beautiful bond i have shared with these people.
and He said don't be afraid to love.
and don't be afraid to do more than enough
even if i look like a fool.

if i keep seeking like a little child,
if i let Him love me like a mighty lover,
His love will spill right out into my love.
abundance, freedom, overflowing.

i love bathtub prayers.

peanut butter and jelly

i kind of reach these points

-it's very cyclical in my life-

when, whether it be for good reason or no reason at all,

i just get down.

(totally nearing the end of the semester here,

and school is a huge stress!)


it is worth the fight

fight to tell yourself that you can do it

and you can do it well

fight to not let yourself fall as a victim

fight to move yourself to surrender.



man, i can never learn that enough.

in a wonderful sort of way

currently listening to: tracy chapman and the washing machine
currently reading: dave ramsey, the total money makeover
currently wanting to watch: war of the buttons, circa ireland 1994 (see above)
currently hoping: that i'll be an ebay winner

gladiola girls has been going so well. i was offically hired for the job about two weeks ago, and have thoroughly enjoyed being a 'stylist', as kristen calls us. really, my favorite part is sweeping the porch and putting fresh water in the flower pots in the morning. the Lord's blessings come in such incognito ways. fresh flowers and community, hallelujah. i've been thinking a lot about design school- maybe whitney has something to do with that. i hope i can eloquently handle the next few weeks of 18 hours of school and 2 jobs. i think i can i think i can i think i can. i know i can.

today is foggy in little boone town. foggy and chilly, and all i want to do is stay right here on the couch, snuggled in the fuzzy pink blanket with my granny slippers on. after a week of non-stop school everything, i am so happy for saturdays and fog and blankets.

i did make it through the week. not with flying colors, but i did it! i was more like... floating colors. sometimes just doing what we have to do is flying colors enough to say "hey, way to go, me!"

today, while i was sitting on the couch at hannah's shower, i was overcome with a very "wow, i'm getting older" feeling. insert "sex and the city" here. girls sitting in daytime dresses, opening fancy gifts with pink tissue paper and lace, nibbling on cheese and fruit, and chatting about relationships and grander times. for the most part i sat and didn't say much, i haven't much to say, but i couldn't shake the feeling that i am really in my twenties. and i love it, but it sure is weird in a wonderful sort of way.

people are funny.

just going to mention my yesterday. work in the morning (sweeping and flowers included). groceries (i am proud to announce i'm still utilizing my $1 green totes), the most perfect weather, art expo, revival of the sheer scarf, lovely company, pizza, dance, and a vanilla steamer with whipped cream! what a good day. thanks jesus.