this morning i'm at the store, sipping a to-go cup of coffee courtesy of my way-too-nice-to-me roommate elizabeth.
it is a beautiful, sunny autumn day in boone and although i'm running on 5 hours of sleep (which, if you know me is a good 4 hours short of a sufficient amount), and although i'm really gross and un-showered from last night's gig, i'm one joyful and thankful sam crowder.
this past week has been a crazy one, what with classes and practices and preparations for the sylvia benson trunk show merritt and i planned at work and the klondike show with mike, who i've been happily singing bgv's for. this semester has been trying and tiring and exciting and whirlwind-ish, but i feel accomplished. i am so appreciative of the fullness of my life, the friends i've been meeting and laughing a lot with (sounds like an episode of mr. rodgers, i know, but i mean it with my whole heart!), and the really difficult stuff that makes the good things so much richer. it is grace that hems me in and gets me from day to day.
so, when kristen isn't at the store i always turn the XM radio to high standards on 73.... classic jazz and torch tunes. it makes the whole work experience so much more enjoyable and i like pretending i'm in an old-time movie while i'm folding the piles of expensive jeans and narcissistically straightening the hangers, and that at any moment some incredible handsome singing dancing man will come waltzing in a sweep me away :) frank, ella, etta, sarah, barbra... they play all the good ones on this channel!
i've been reading Jesus Calling by Young, in attempt to just be still and accept the things that the Lord tells us. (i've been in an extreme state of asking why and how instead of just saying, "okay") Young rewrites scriptures as first-person statements and promises from Him to us. some days i love it, and some days i trudge through knowing that i need it but not exactly feeling it. usually the latter have to do with being thankful at all times, at turning your complaining into praising, you know, stuff that isn't at all natural for human nature and isn't easy or fun. it almost seems like a defense mechanism. how is it possible to do that wholeheartedly, whole-mindedly? but today, i had to just bite the bullet, take the guards down and be thankful in the face of a "straw-that-broke-the-camels-back" situation that has reared it's ugly, unfair head.
and i will just say on the record, it's not fun, or easy, or even a little bit natural as a reaction, but it sure does change everything to say "thank you, Lord" for anything... breath, life, family, friends, 2 arms and 2 legs... whatever... when all you really want to say "________"(insert choice expletive here)or "it's unfair!" i will say definitively - that one is a slippery, gross and even more not fun nor easy slope to find yourself sliding down. and today i am finding a multitude of blessings, and i trust the Lord.
our time here is short. sometimes it is, as Hobbes said, nasty and brutish as well. but here at this pinnacle of my scholastic life and looking out into a great, exciting, scary unknown, it's nice to hear that there are a million different ways to live (thank you, invisible children e-mail update!)
a million beautiful, wonderful experiences to be had
not just one career forever, but many experiences that make our time and purpose here like an heirloom patchwork quilt
a million people to meet and help and love
a million different possibilities when He says "Go"
it's just too daunting to have this mindset of one thing we have to do the rest of our lives...
so i'm rambling and starting to annoy myself :) just some saturday thoughts. hey, fall break is in 4 days! yippeeee!
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