it had teeth, and a spinal chord!

wish list
-toms shoes
-film for my camera
-tickets to see mat kearney on june 21st


i love my big fat greek wedding. every girl wants that. big family. ugly duckling to swan transformation, and extremely handsome man stranger who is interested in us even when we're really ugly duckling and sticks with us during our swan transformation.

i watched twilight for the first time last night, too, with my friend ben who is really nice and/or sick for willingly watching it with me. another thing every girl wants... to be insanely desired and protected. i am unashamedly going to own this movie because they hit that nail on the head. and i'm single, so, whatever.

i'm still in my pajamas. it's 8pm. awesome.

apt in ral

i'm sitting at the girls apartment in raleigh.

everyone is asleep. cat, whit, and jess are in their room (they share one, by choice) sleeping, because they have to get up early in the morning.

heather is about 10 feet away from me, falling asleep on the couch, listening to Harry Potter on audio.

today has been a really good day.

it feels good to have finished the semester, and finished it pretty strong.
i did well on my juries. dr. p said she was proud.
i got an A on my internship journal. my teacher said it was "a novel idea and beautifully done". holla!!
i didn't do as well in spanish but i have a whole summer of practice ahead of me.

thank you Lord for getting me through that so i could enjoy this time so much more.
that time of finishing strong was brought to you&me by:
the Lord's grace
good friends
good coffee
good music
the library deciding to suck it up and stay open
computerz


oh man. it feels like summer. it is HOT in raleigh. the good, sticky, enveloping, smells like honeysuckle and green trees and green grass bare feet windows down hot hot hot heat of SUMMER.

today my sisters came over, i got to play with their babies. anna and i played a game where she had about 5 different make believe birthday parties and i met all of her friends from her preschool who came and there were different balloons at each party.
rainbow balloons.
star balloons.
purple, red, yellow, blue balloons.
streamers.
she's a girl after my own heart.

and then i took a fat 3 hour nap.

and then i woke up, showered, and ate strawberry shortcake and came over here, to the girls apartment, which is gradually becoming just as much a home to me as my own home.

and we ate salt and vinegar chips and spaghetti and funfetti and other etti's and laughed and watched the office.

and now i'm sitting here and all i hear is the hum of the refrigerator and that guy on heather's computer reading Harry Potter saying stuff like "Harry, GET OUT said snape" in a british accent.



p.s.

i am the HAPPY owner of a diana f+ camera. it was given to me & i did not pay a dime & that is an answer to a silly prayer. i am going to take a picture of a dinosaur.

caffeine, significant

listening to: elliot smith, needle in the hay

two years ago, when i was living in nashville, i attended a church service in the downtown area with my close friends at the time.

periodically since that service, the words of the pastor resonate with me. i only attended that church one time, and thought the subject of his message extremely appropriate for that city, that group of people,

the 20-somethings of pseudo-famous nashville.

and for me. two and a half years later i still hear the crux of that message in my head:

significance.


we have a built-in need for it. meaning. belonging. purpose.

whenever i feel longing of some kind, displacement, not being enough, not doing enough, that word significance flashes in my head like a bolt of lightning. i wonder if i've got it. i wonder what it means, really.

part of nashville's allure for me is that feeling of significance. that city pulses with it. why? perhaps it's that you never know what well-to-do you will meet, sitting two tables over from you at a coffee shop. maybe it's because nashville is a little less obvious than new york city, seattle, boston, or LA. it's a subtle fame. an undercover renown. it is functioning celebriosity, somewhere in between the untouchable lives we see in PEOPLE magazine and the more obscure, less-pretty lives of our own. and being there, amidst it all, makes you feel significant by association.

attempting eco-consciousness, bicycles, brick-laid sidewalks, upscale shopping, groups of young, smart, attractive people you should know and try to hang out with. character. history. charm. nashville is so attractive.

i think the reason i am drawn to it so much is that i see people my age, with similar passions as i have, making their passions into careers. i can't figure out if it's my love for music or my need for significance that makes me want to write and record and play music, to make a name for myself amongst, and brush shoulders with, my successful nashville music peers. that is a critical distinction to make.



the pastor's words that day were simple and blunt.
obvious. cliche even. but my goodness, i cannot learn it enough.

you cannot base a feeling of significance on a person, circumstance, place, paycheck, situation, object, career, or lifestyle.

Christ is your significance. He is your identity.

I'm trying to figure out what living that out looks like.



P.S.
if nothing else, my creative writing courses have taught me that i use words that are way too strong way too often. i make them cheap and i don't say exactly what i mean.


P.P.S.
i'm not studying for my spanish exam like i should be. the tabs i have open are as follows:
e-mail, facebook, blogger, spanish, pandora, twitter.
ha ha haaa!