caffeine, significant

listening to: elliot smith, needle in the hay

two years ago, when i was living in nashville, i attended a church service in the downtown area with my close friends at the time.

periodically since that service, the words of the pastor resonate with me. i only attended that church one time, and thought the subject of his message extremely appropriate for that city, that group of people,

the 20-somethings of pseudo-famous nashville.

and for me. two and a half years later i still hear the crux of that message in my head:

significance.


we have a built-in need for it. meaning. belonging. purpose.

whenever i feel longing of some kind, displacement, not being enough, not doing enough, that word significance flashes in my head like a bolt of lightning. i wonder if i've got it. i wonder what it means, really.

part of nashville's allure for me is that feeling of significance. that city pulses with it. why? perhaps it's that you never know what well-to-do you will meet, sitting two tables over from you at a coffee shop. maybe it's because nashville is a little less obvious than new york city, seattle, boston, or LA. it's a subtle fame. an undercover renown. it is functioning celebriosity, somewhere in between the untouchable lives we see in PEOPLE magazine and the more obscure, less-pretty lives of our own. and being there, amidst it all, makes you feel significant by association.

attempting eco-consciousness, bicycles, brick-laid sidewalks, upscale shopping, groups of young, smart, attractive people you should know and try to hang out with. character. history. charm. nashville is so attractive.

i think the reason i am drawn to it so much is that i see people my age, with similar passions as i have, making their passions into careers. i can't figure out if it's my love for music or my need for significance that makes me want to write and record and play music, to make a name for myself amongst, and brush shoulders with, my successful nashville music peers. that is a critical distinction to make.



the pastor's words that day were simple and blunt.
obvious. cliche even. but my goodness, i cannot learn it enough.

you cannot base a feeling of significance on a person, circumstance, place, paycheck, situation, object, career, or lifestyle.

Christ is your significance. He is your identity.

I'm trying to figure out what living that out looks like.



P.S.
if nothing else, my creative writing courses have taught me that i use words that are way too strong way too often. i make them cheap and i don't say exactly what i mean.


P.P.S.
i'm not studying for my spanish exam like i should be. the tabs i have open are as follows:
e-mail, facebook, blogger, spanish, pandora, twitter.
ha ha haaa!