i know i should be sleeping now

tonight...
i've already written in my journal, you know, the pen and paper one.
i've attempted to chat a little with some of my friends, via phone, email, and so on.
i've painted my nails,
and exhausted every means, i feel like.

i'm just lonely.

i feel like i want more from my life. i want for someone to look on and be able to say "THAT, that is radiance"... or passion, or dedication, or beauty, or humility.
i want it to stand for something so much bigger, so much more than it does now.

i know i want to finish college. it's a miracle i'm here, and a blessing that i have this resource. it just, still, seems so far away. and my insides are itching for something out of the ordinary.

so, i guess i'm going to have to learn how to incorporate the extraordinary into the ordinary.

my goodness, patience!

just one of those nights,
-s