life and music

"i will find you there, and i will mend your heart" - william fitzsimmons

today, i woke up to the booming sounds of what i though was a truck outside of our window. when i looked out, the morning sky was all kinds of gray, and the trees were being pushed about, helplessly trying to stand their ground. the sound wasn't a truck, it was the wind, huge gusts blowing up against and through the cracks of the windows and door. i loved it.

when i was walking from jazz (last day of jazz ever!) to interdisciplinary praxis (last day of that, too!), i just kept thinking to myself, today... today is especially beautiful. ominous, and dangerous, and passionate, and beautiful. hat, peacoat, extra-long scarf, gloves, long-johns, tea - THIS is the weather i've been waiting for!

i just wish it had snowed, of course.

today i was reading this article i found in an old magazine, and i liked it so much. now, if people will quit quarreling over silly stuff and start praising:

"1. Verbally point out something that someone is doing that you admire or support, every day.
2. Seek out admirable behavior in others that they might not repeat, and compliment them.
3. Make a list of your own wins
4. and give yourself a little pat on the back every chance you might notice, from this moment on."
(Gail Blanke, as seen in real simple, october 2007 issue)


i don't know about the majority of others, but for me... you see, i've had a long run with setting myself up to crazy standards and then feeling absolutely terrible when i can't meet them. i use the standards of others, wanting to be like them. i've felt like God likes me less when i can't do things "right", and likes me more when i do everything just as i wrote in my way-too-perfect-for-real-life list of goals.

and when all is said and done, and i get to the end of the day and i'm just... me.... i feel crummy, and then i feel crummy about feeling crummy. and then i think, "well sam crowder! why do you even matter? just get on with it and love your neighbor. that's what matters."

someone once asked Jesus, "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied to him: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
(matthew 22: 37-38)

the second is like the first and foremost commandment, to love your neighbor as yourself.

well, sam crowder, you can't love your neighbor very well until you love yourself.

this, i know, has been a long run and is on a beautiful (and long, sometimes bumpy) uphill climb to a point where i can live, day to day, moment by moment, freely and content in the grace and pure Love of a King.

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i did make a gingerbread house today!!! it fell apart, though. i felt like i was on Ace of Cakes. i also went swimming in a heated pool with nancy, and did laps, and other funny things.

with that said, i've been listening to this music so much, and these songs particularly make my heart beat faster...

1. william fitzsimmons - holiday album - "covered in snow"
2. john mayer - "say"
3. hans zimmer - the holiday score - "anything can happen" (but everything is so wonderful on that album.)
4. radiohead - in rainbows - "faust arp" and "weird fishes/arpeggi"
5. iron & wine - the shepherd's dog - "resurrection fern"
6. sufjan stevens - hark! songs for christmas - "angels we have heard on high" (... and everything else too.)
7. vanessa carlton - heroes and theives - "nolita fairytale" and "hands on me"
8. imogen heap - speak for yourself - "just for now" (.... still)
9. nellee hooper - romeo + juliet vol. 2 - "morning breaks"