it's go time

currently drinking: iced turtle from the wired scholar (apropos for sunny, 75, and study time)
currently thinking about: the list of things that need to be done today
currently really thinking about: how much i'd rather be outside
currently sporting: the brightest pink nail polish and a hoodie that isn't mine

ridiculous! classes are done? classes are done! and in the next few days i have to pull it together, starting now, right this very instant. (and in less than a week, my first year at appalachian will be complete. hallelujah! more on that later.)

i'm in the library, on the ever-faithful silent floor, along with quite a few others buzzing about with things they have to get done before the first day of finals. i can hear the frantic clicking of the keyboards all around me, mixed with sighs, and i'm thinking... i probably should not have chosen to sit right in front of the window. today, well, today is beautiful. one of the best boone days i've seen so far this year. and i have to empty my head of a few things before i begin...

my anthropology methods proposal
studying for my hebrew literature final
and studying for astronomy

the past few weeks have been a blur of all sorts of things: disappointments, excitements, newness, stress, hope, nervousness, victory. the gritty stuff that makes life so rich. in the midst of it all, i have found myself losing touch with God, and having to blurt out to Him, "i miss you, i miss you." He is so good, pursuing me in all kinds of ways even when i'm terribly distracted.

my hands are shaking with caffeine and my head doesn't know how to sort out all that i have to do and all that is happening around me. i really don't hate it. it makes me realize that i am here, doing what i need to do, living and knowing that i was made for such a time as this.

last night i was sitting with a dear friend of mine whom i haven't really talked to in a while. she sat so close to me and looked me straight in the eye, "sam, i just need time for myself, i just need good girl time." distressed and honest, vulnerable and sincere, she confessed to me. it struck me and stuck with me the rest of the night. how very important is time away and alone, time to restore and refocus. in college, especially, it is so easy to let community become something it wasn't intended to be- something that drains us dry as we use it for a crutch beneath the weight of our diluted selves, instead of something that edifies us and builds us up. and i keep mulling over the startling realization that girls, so many times, will distance themselves from other girls in times of great need. i speak of myself the most. perhaps we are afraid of letting ourselves be completely seen, afraid of the possibility of not being accepted or being spoken poorly of because of our lack of ____. that is how i feel so many times. we need the support of our sisters so desperately! Lord, help me to be open and honest, that i can be encouraging and edifying in my relationships.

okay, seriously, it's 5:16. and i'm nowhere near done!


tonight's reward for today's hard work:
war of the buttons on VHS and free papa john's pizza from the village.

it's go time!