thoughts at 21

so i am still awake at 3am and i think it might be worth it to divulge myself into a few fleeting thoughts.

sometimes i just want to take people outside of their lives so they can take a look at themselves from the outside. lately i've been sad for people because they seem so distant from really letting themselves feel real things. so many people build thick and stubborn walls to huddle inside of, choosing just what experiences they will accept for themselves. i am a firm believer that when we take ourselves outside of our comfort zones, then and only then do we experience all the richness life has to offer. i understand not everyone agrees with that, and not everyone will choose that type of life.

and it IS a choice. it is a challenge. it is an intentional change of mindset and an even more intentional change of behavior.

to live in comfort with self-made spontaneity, skimming the surface of ourselves and God and others and potential

or

to live outside of comfort with real fear, real love, real anger, real ugliness, real beauty,
seeing ourselves in the raw in light of the big picture of humanity (it's tragic and epic and heroic!)
seeing God in the smallest details and in the vagabonds and in the least of these??


i do not say this to imply that i have it all together. i don't . and i do not intend to imply that my insights on other's lives are fully correct, because i know God speaks and works in the individual, and relates to them in special ways because He is a God of individual relationships and i could never see people like Him.

just food for thought if it makes any sense at all.


also, boys should know that it is not a very effective tactic to express interest in a girl and not a few days later to carelessly flirt with other girls.

if a guy expresses interest, and i in turn think he's charming and can hold a nice conversation, i do my research. i check out the close friends. i observe from a distance. he has my attention for a time until i can assess what kind of person he is and how i feel about him. he sought out to have my attention and he has it. not in obvious ways. but in honest, classy, modest ways he has my attention.

i've found that the fault of many men is that they don't know what to do from there.

and it reeks of obviousness when i am one of a handful of ladies they are attempting to "hook and reel". it's in that second stage, when i am observing, that careless flirtation with other girls can ruin any chance of my further attention. don't get me wrong, i don't consider it a major character flaw when this happens, and i don't think these men are bad people per se, or that i require their sole attention and devotion even in the baby-steps of maybe relationships (i don't expect that even a little!) but these guys go from potentially "dateable" to absolute no-go's in seconds just because they didn't know how to keep their flirtin' discreet or classy.

the hooking is fairly easy but the reeling ...
needs work.