exhausted.
i had this thought the other day
i would love to escape to a place where i was really, really alone. no cell phone access, no computers, no one else's knowledge of where i am, just for a weekend.
complete solitude.
with books and a pen and my notebook, a piano, a guitar, and time with just me and God.
that sounds more than perfect right now.
(some people get re-vamped by being around people
others re-vamp by being alone.
i am absolutely the latter.
i am slightly a hermit.)
i think i'm saying all this because,
1. i'm tired right this moment.
2. i've been going non-stop (class music class home music friends family phone calls don't be a jerk work work class sleep gym food etc) for an irritatingly long time
3. i let people down because of how busy i am and how much i let that busy-ness exhaust me.
4. i JUST WANT IT TO FREAKIN BE SPRING ALREADY. seriously. let me wear some sundresses.
5. i've been in the same place for almost two years. i am itching for something different.
6. i'm neglecting alone time with God.
7. i'm watching Tough Love on VH1.
i went home last weekend to see my friend jess play at jack sprat in chapel hill. jess and i have been close close friends (along with the other half of our best friend quartet nancy and heather) since my ninth grade year. she's an amazing musician and is recording her first solo full-length album, and i could not be any more excited for this release.
on saturday jess and i spent the afternoon eating chick-fil-a (yesss!) and practicing some of my original songs in the empty sanctuary of my home church. i was invited to play a show this friday (alongside jess' full band, our friend catherine walker, and a few others) to benefit Remember Nhu. what a great opportunity, seriously. i am rich with blessings, from beautiful friendships to the chance to create and share music.
i'm excited. nervous! my fingers fail me when i play my own music in front of people. but i know it's something i want and need to do! so i will suck it up, stop being such a baby, and play my own freakin music in front of an audience!
it was nice to be home, but not nearly enough time to just sit and enjoy raleigh.
(every time i go back there, i realize how cool that town really is. maybe it's just my 20-something eyes that see it a little better than my teen-angst eyes did.)
i was able to catch a few minutes to enjoy the warm non-mountainy weather and take a jog through the trails around my house. these woods provide just a little bit of the perfect-weekend-solitude feeling i mentioned earlier. i've been walking these trails since i was a little girl (with my dad, sisters, and neighborhood friends), up through my high-school years (where i had my trusty "spot" at the base of an old tree at the "point"), and i continue it now, with an ipod in tow and thoughts that i can allow to spill out recklessly as i run over roots, leaves, rocks, and creeks.
(yes, i totally got my mom to take a photo of me at the start of the trail. she stood up on old railroad ties to get the "perfect" picture! thanks mom :) )
this is a great representation of the scene i always drive up to when i go home to the city of the oaks - my dad, in that rocking chair on the porch, probably calling out for our dog maggie, the bane of my existence at home and my dad's pride and joy in life. i love it.
too many thoughts. too late at night. too sleepy and irritable. must. sleep.
1 comment:
do you know what that trail reminds me of?
don't answer that.
:)
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